RIDE no :: 152
Sat 10thAug Abington Pigotts
Hares:: Kinky and Thumper
Mr Bossy offered me a choice – either I could make mad passionate love to him, or I could write the ride report. So here is the ride report . . .
We arrived at the Pig & Abbot in Abington Pigotts at 10:45am to find Thumper, the hare and only 2 other riders. Well now we were 4! No sign of any more until 10:58 when Umplebum arrived with 4 passengers and 5 bikes to double the numbers followed shortly after by all the other latecomers. We didn’t actually count but would estimate a total of 20 riders.
We were all madly preparing ourselves and our bikes when a very irritated lady came along and said that we mustn’t park on that road today as we would spoil her daughter’s wedding video. As there was really nowhere else to park we tried to explain to her that it would spoil our day if we had to move. Eventually she offered a field near the church where the wedding guests were to park, and we reluctantly agreed to move. She wasn’t convinced that we would, and Mr Bossy had to ‘politely’ tell her to go away . . .
So, on with the ride; by this time it was 11:20am. Kinky and Thumper had found some good trails but unfortunately the farmers had been sabotaging them by driving tractors over them while they were wet, and now they are all rock hard and bumpy, causing quite a bit of pain and suffering in the posterior area. The visitors from West London Bike Hash thought that it was a race and were dashing here and there, breaking checks with furious speed. It was impossible to get through to them that the first one to the check should hold it while the others checked. The slower of us were beginning to think that we had 2 separate rides as we came to checks unbroken, or broken and showing the wrong direction!! So the first half of the ride was a furious pace and we arrived at the lunch pub 40 minutes ahead of schedule. We made up for it sitting at lunch for twice as long and drinking twice as much beer. We were all dehydrated due to the high temperature, a perfect Australian summer day in my opinion!
So ‘onward ho!’ for the second half, with rather too much beer I think. Kinky joined us as Thumper had set this part of the trail. No amount of abuse could slow the front riders down so the furious pace was continued. The trick was to keep an eye on Kinky and not be too led astray. There were less bumpy tracks and more bitumen on the On-In and we were all struggling in the heat for the last 5 miles or so. Even the Londoners were heard to ask ‘are we nearly there?’ At this stage, Lurcher decided that home in Royston was much closer than the pub and bailed out of the ride. In Pete‘s opinion we were 5 miles from the pub and 9 miles from Royston, so we’re not sure her decision was a good one.
Back at the pub we were on to our second rehydrating pint and Gavin, our serious FrontRiding Bastard turned up very late and last – seems he got lost checking out the final check and did a few extra miles. Justice is a fine thing.
There was very little enthusiasm for the circle. Mrs Bossy was asleep on the bench and Mr Bossy spent half an hour looking for her. Finally he had to draw a chalk circle, due to the fact that no one was willing to form one or even stand up! There were no punctures or stacks, so Mr Bossy was struggling to find charges that were worthy of a beer. The hares were thanked for a great effort and the Australians were charged for wearing his-and-hers outfits. Gavin got one for being an FRB (I think) and V2 from London was charged with having sweaty pants – now we all had sweaty pants but she had a bone coloured pair of shorts over black bike pants and the result was not pretty! Mr Bossy’s pièce de résistance was totally spoiled – he was looking around wildly for Lurcher to charge her with being too slow to get to a check to hand out jelly babies – and then he found that she wasn’t there.
At this stage it should be mentioned that the road outside the pub was full of cars – including one owned by the stroppy lady with the wedding!
Thanks to Kinky and Thumper for a great ride – we all went off home, tired and exhausted by the hottest day in England’s history!
On!On!
Scandal
PS: Please feel free to ask Mr Bossy’s advice on how much water to put in a vase of artificial flowers.
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